Your story is what makes you, You. So don’t airbrush out the bad bits.
Last night I got an email from a designer who had just watched my Do Lecture (“Finding your story, your purpose and your compass”). She’d recently quit a well paid job that was making her miserable and started her own business. But she’d been suffering from anxiety, worried that she’d made a mistake giving up that job security. She wrote:
“This evening, after watching your talk, understanding that other people are going through what I am going through I feel so empowered. I feel that I have to chase my dreams. And for that — I wanted to say thank you.”
It was a wonderful email to get. Standing on stage in 2015 and telling my real story of why I quit my job to go independent was one of the hardest things I’ve done. It’s great to hear back from people who have seen my talk online.
Of course my story isn’t unique. Most of us have experienced hard times in our lives, whether dealing with a bullying boss, a bereavement or depression.
But many of us turn down the volume on our real stories. We’re not comfortable sharing the cloudy chapters alongside the sunny chapters. We keep it all in. That’s only human. But I think we’re missing a trick if we airbrush our past.
I know that my own story defines me. The experiences I’ve had — good and bad — define who I am today. They make me, me.
Recently I was working with a guy who’s looking for a career change. He’s had a fascinating career but — like me — it’s not one that easily fits in a CV or on a LinkedIn timeline. So he’s crafting his story to help position himself in the job market. One element he wanted to include is how he survived cancer and how that demonstrated his positive mindset, a thread which runs throughout his life. That was an important part of his story to share. And it says a lot about him.
I know from my own experiences what happens when we airbrush things out. I hadn’t always been honest about the real reason why I quit my job seventeen years ago. Initially I hadn’t told the full story of how over-work, stress and depression led me down a dead-end. But when I shone the light on that darkness on stage at The Do Lectures, it was liberating. Now I’m comfortable with my real story —after all, it’s out there for everyone to see — and I have nothing to hide.
I’ve learned how surviving tough times can make you stronger. I’ve taken meaning from my story and now my experiences drive and inform who I am today. Shining a light on the dark stuff can make the tough times easier to deal with, and can help others who are going through tough experiences too.
Seth Godin wrote on his blog recently how the memories we rehearse are the ones we live with. He said if your story isn’t helping you, rehearse a new one.
But you can’t change what went before. What happened, happened. Creating a different version of the past isn’t being honest with yourself.
What you can do however is change how you feel about it. To own your story. To get comfortable and confident with the truth.
Try building your life on who you really are. Use your true story as a springboard. To say to the world: this is who I am, this is how I got here, and this is where I’m headed next.
